noitpecrepdesrever

The Human Syndrome

Although this is not a poem, I want to get some things off my chest. I have never felt so alone in my life. I have lost every friend I have ever had, and those who do talk to me, I feel it is out of boredom. I have been treated like complete dirt by every man who has ever came into my life. The tricks and games are getting worse with each one, too. I want companionship so badly. I want someone to want to be in my life and want to spend time with me and want to give a shit. I am tired of begging someone to genuinely care about me. It shouldn’t be like that. I want someone to see the good person that I have tried to be for all these years and embrace it, instead of take advantage of it. I’m so alone and so tired of crying. I want to be happy, but it’s so hard to be when you don’t know how and don’t really have a reason to be. However, being alone isn’t the saddest part. It is process in which has brought me to this point. The fact that others of my own kind, human beings, have done the things that they have to me. The lies, the trickery, the deceit, and the hurt, are all so unbearable. How could someone who is so much like me, be so different? So manipulative and deceiving. My past has brought me to the point where I trust no one and question everyone’s intentions. I will never have a healthy relationship with anyone and that is what is sad. Whomever ever reads this, if anyone ever does, please change your ways. Be honest, even if it hurts someone, because I guarantee you that it is a lot better than the hurt that I, and many others, have had to endure. Be the person who is there for someone, even when no one else is. Be the light in their dark room, show them that there are good people in this world and be that good person. Open your eyes and realize that your actions, big and small, affect people. Take the time to be the person that you want. It may not be the easy path, but it could save someone. Truly save someone. For all these years, I have wanted someone to save me, but I know that I am the one who has to save me. I just hope I get there in time to do so…

To Know The Truth

To picture my own happiness is impossible.

To dream of a day where I can be free is out of the question.

To have someone truly befriend me is inconceivable 

To even think of someone loving me is unimaginable. 

To have someone like you love someone like me is a pure joke.

To be the only one there for you, that is me.

To give every fiber of my being to something, that is me.

To never get anything in return, that is me.

To be used and walked over by everyone, that is me.

To have nothing and pretend everything is perfect, that is me. 

Prisoner of the Mind

I will be the death of me.

My own mind far too complex, for even me.

A burden of my own, soon become a burden to others.

Slowly killing myself, I have become mad. 

My madness swallowing me whole, and everything in sight.

Numb to who I am, I am lost in this.

The path is dark, far darker than ever before.

Will I get out? or will I be trapped in my mind forever?

Your Secret Lies

Secrets behind my back are lies to my face.

A dishonest friend is no friend at all.

Whether they are spoken or thought, a lie is a lie.

Your lies, sharp as the blade of your dagger.

A cut ever so deep, I can feel blood oozing from the gash in my back. 

I never thought it could hurt so badly.

Anger still outweighing pain, revenge will seek its way to you one way or another.

Time will heal all wounds,

but time cannot take away your evils.

It will tightly clench you and in its grasp, make your lies regrets.

Forgiveness isn’t my friend and neither are you.

May revenge have no mercy on your dishonest soul.

Unappreciated.

The heart that broke yours led you to break mine. 

A free therapist I soon became.

Above and beyond, I took my efforts to please you.

They were never good enough.

Your rage and hurting being pushed onto an innocent friend.

Slowly, you pushed me away.

Slowly, you forced me out of our friendship.

Blind and numb you have become to affection of any kind.

Friend, you have lost your senses.

I hope you find them soon,

before you destroy us…

Twisted Artwork

With your plain blank canvas and a little of her manipulation,

she has transformed you into a work of her own.

An artist, as she would call herself, with many creations.

Free to do with you as she pleases, she has changed every inch of you.

Nowhere can the old you be seen, a completely changed covered surface.

She likes what she sees, but is convinced that she can do better.

There is no room for you to be displayed in her life’s apartment wall. 

To be stored away, always there, but never seen or appreciated.

You will be stumbled upon by someone with a thought of potential.

Sure, you can be painted over, but there will always be some of her “masterpiece” showing.

New Found Potential

A very unusual, new feeling. One that hasn’t quite been felt before.

Predictions, that usually come naturally, are unclear this time.

Where this goes, I have no way of knowing, and it feels impeccable.

There is a difference in you, much unlike the others, and it is ever so refreshing.

With a sliver of hope and a precious wish, may our searching be over.

May this be the something that fills the longing in our hearts.

May we truly discover one another in this new found potential love.

May it be pure and reach in the depths of our souls like never before.

Me, Myself, and I.

I know you will always be there.

I can count you for anything.

I know you will love me unconditionally.

When everything falls apart, I know you will help put me back together.

You may not always have the answers, but you are my answer.

I will love you, even when no one else does.

You are my something, my everything.

You are me, and I am you. We are one and always will be.

You are my best friend and no one will ever amount to you.

Always know that, and never forget it.

Nothing New

One after the other,

I can feel it in me, in my bones.

I am slowly losing them.

I am slowly losing you.

Not bad, but not good enough.

They would be settling with me.

You would be settling with me.

A temporary lover, a used soul.

One after the other,

I cannot move on.

Knowing I will never be more,

I cling to the new and old

in hopes that one might change their mind,

one might be different,

in hopes that the one might be you.